“My Baptism”

My previous (actually my first) job pays really well. I was receiving way above the average first-timer here in San Francisco, California. As an accountant/auditor back in the Philippines, I already conditioned myself of starting somewhere down in the staff level if not entry level jobs. I was more than willing to forget the supervisory and managerial experiences I had back then. I was simply prepared to make a new start of my career.

My first employer made me change all these. I didn’t really expect to be able to get this somewhat high-paying first job. So I did start to work. I tried to do my job the best I can. I did my assignments in the office and at home at the same time studying and reading all these binders for job instructions and procedures. It was indeed overwhelming!

In barely one month, I was sent to another city to meet a client to discuss things. Oh my!!! What will I do? What will I say? Where is Unioun City? I haven’t been there?

In less than two months, I was already driving more than 800 miles to audit a business and another five to six hour drive going back. I was told by my manager to stay overnight in the area to maximize my time. I was allowed to stay in a hotel or pension house with a maximum budget of $50 a night but must try to look for rates around $20 to $30. I didn’t realize that there were no hotels or pension houses with that rate.

Sometime in the third month with my job, I got a call from my supervisor. I was driving along a freeway then so I told him I’ll call him back when I get home. I got home around seven evening and returned his call. I was only instructed to check my email for his instructions for tomorrow. So I did. I was supposed to report to an office the following day at 8 a.m. for my next assignment. Contact names and numbers were there including the office address I’m supposed to report to.

The following morning, I was early in the office of my new client. When I got to the client’s office, I was wondering why am I in a government agency’s office? I asked for the person mentioned in the email and introduced myself. He showed me my workstation, network connections, the documents, files, binders and what-have-you to do my audit. Then, it dawned on me the reality which I’ve been denying the moment I entered this building. I got stunned! I got stunned with the fact that I’d be doing a government audit.

Back in the Philippines, I’ve never did a government audit. Our government back there has its own audit commission. Meaning, government offices and agencies are not being audited by a private auditing firm but by its own audit commission or specifically called Commission on Audit a.k.a. COA. What I’m saying is I have zero experience in government audit job. My employer knows this fact. Training on this field of auditing was even promised to me before I was hired. However, this training is yet to come. Nevertheless, there was a promise. What happened next? In my two-week stint with this agency, I was doing things that I didn’t even understand at all. I know those two weeks was a flop.

I never felt so useless and dumb in my whole professional life except during those two weeks. It seems my employer threw me out in the middle of a vast ocean. Yes I know how to swim but I couldn’t find an island nearby. The horizon was so clear that the point where the ocean meets the sky was very well defined. Not even the tiniest speck of an island’s shadow that might have broken the monotony of the horizon’s endless straight line. Not a speck, not even a blurry one. A swimmer needs a goal, a goal that gives him the direction. Without it, the swimmer wouldn’t know where to go. He can never stagnate because he knows the fact that he can swim. The last option is just to go swim wherever. Swim and swim until he sees an island. But what divides that unseen island and the swimmer? What could probably separate them aside from the unknown distance between them? Have you heard about "burnout"? Yes, that could keep the swimmer away from the dream island. Regardless of the swimming skills he got, burnout can easily catch him up. Even faster than the sight of that precious island. Yes, burnout can easily defeats the skills of the swimmer. And it can drown him. Drown him to death.

Yes, I am a swimmer. And I got drowned.

Can I Use Your Cell Phone?

I was in the BART station early this afternoon waiting for a train to bring me to downtown San Francisco. There were very few people waiting for their trains just like me. Suddenly, a guy, from somewhere approached me and the lady beside me. He asked, "Excuse me guys, I'm not sure if I'm in a right line asking this but can I use one of your cell phones?" It surprised me a bit since I'm not used to people asking to use your cell phone, stranger at that. He is not really a "homeless" type of guy or an untidy looking stranger but the lady near me just ignored him as if she didn't hear anything. When I looked at the guy, he was looking at me waiting for my response. Then I heard myself saying, "I can't because this is a company phone and I can't use this for personal calls". "Ah, okay, thanks anyway", I heard him answered as he turned hi back. Then I wondered, how did I fabricate my reply? First, I got no job at present and in fact I was on my way to a job interview. Second, most company phones has unlimited plans so companies do not audit who u called and how long. My train came and stopped and I got in.

I tried to process my response to the situation. I tried to think where I got my alibi for not lending my cell phone. I was thinking.... thinking .... and thinking...

The train stopped and it woke me up. I saw the sign outside, "Montgomery".... Oh! It's time to get off. I didn't notice I have fallen asleep...

I had my interview, a quick one. I went to my former office nearby to pick up my W2 for income tax filing and had short chat with my former office mates then left for home.

I got home, did the usual stuff, dinner then Internet.... I forgot all about the BART scene earlier this afternoon until this time when I am writing this... Did I think again what I was trying to think when I was at the train? Not anymore... I'm tired now... Its soooo cold... Got to go to sleep...

Don't say it, you'll regret it later...

I was watching this show awhile ago about celebrities who experienced a career melt-down. Among those featured, I was only able to catch the top nine out of maybe top 10 or top 20. As I expected, this very popular young pop singer bagged the number one slot. Well, she is way ahead of the number two in this race. What really surprised me a lot was the actor who got the third place. He happens to be one of my favorite actors (and directors) in Hollywood. Because of that my admiration for this actor was lessened a bit but he remained as one of my favorites nevertheless. There was also this very promising comedian who, I don't know why, blurted something on national TV about a certain race that made a group of artists of this certain race stood up against this comedian. Poor him, his public apologies were not even enough to redeem his career that went a permanent melt-down. Most of the reasons of these melt-downs were their language and words they let out in a (maybe) very unguarded moment.

Too late! Words had been uttered. Captured on camera and through other media. Its posted on the net and being replayed over and over again making the damages almost impossible to reverse. This is where the concept of "taming the tongue" goes into my mind again. I've been hearing this concept like more than ten years back but I haven't really fully practiced this yet. Or I should say "I haven't really tamed my tongue" as yet. They said that we must think and listen to the words within ourselves before we even blurt it out. That we must control our tongues because our words might be so harmful to someone. Yes, that is very easy said than done. When you are in a certain overwhelming emotion, there would be no other perfect time more pleasurable than now. Even before you can remember the teaching about "taming of the tongue" you already let out few words that caused damages that you wished you shouldn't have done. Too late! Whatever you have said are now flying and the chances of catching them back are swiftly flying along with the so called impossible.